Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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