i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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