we have officially lost it.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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