There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
