the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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