My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
