just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
