Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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