im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
