make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
