apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
