Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
