then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
