She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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