I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Randomize
