All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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