just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Please, let me fuck your mom
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize