the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
