The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
