just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize