He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
