By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
