I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
