She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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