I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize