i may or may not be watching the land before time
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
