your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
only if we run a train.
done.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
