Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize