I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
