But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
