So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
