he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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