Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
