I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
