Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
