My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
