Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize