She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I need to sanitize my soul.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize