Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
