What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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