So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
