woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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