How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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