she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
