You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
