All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize