how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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