You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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