question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
