i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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