break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
