why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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