I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
