Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize