So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
