that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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