I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
