What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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