I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
