Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
