I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize