Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
