so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
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