had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
