Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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