i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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