Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize