Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
