She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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