I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
