there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
