you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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