I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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