you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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