mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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