worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
