I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
