Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize