first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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