As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
