alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
