after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
