Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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