Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
