So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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