yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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