Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
