I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
