Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
