I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
