I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
