i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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