I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
