I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
