I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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