I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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