There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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