I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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