The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
