I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
