OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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