Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
