she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
