Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Randomize
