they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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