Where did you get a picture of my penis
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
