She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize