I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
