Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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