he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
