oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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