Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize