But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
