oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
