You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
